My goodness how we worship our animal outlaws.
First it was Valerio, the escaped jaguar, who clawed his way into our hearts in 2018 despite decimating the emu, alpaca and fox populations at Audubon Zoo.
And now comes Neuty, the nutria that briefly became the Louisiana Department of Wildlife and Fisheries’ Most Wanted Rodent.
Last week, thousands of South Louisians rallied in Neuty’s defense even as his voracious kin relentlessly pushed local wetlands into obscurity.
Neuty is that rare creature for whom getting hit by a car on West Esplanade Avenue was the best thing for her.
Once upon a time, the late Jefferson Parish Sheriff Harry Lee dispatched snipers along the same canal to capture pesky nutria. The state still pays a bounty for their tails.
Denny Lacoste holds his pet nutria, a two-year-old named Neuty, at his home in Bucktown on Monday, March 13, 2023.
PERSONAL PHOTO OF DAVID GRUNFELD
But just as the international rules of war dictate that injured enemy combatants should be helped, the coypu eradication campaign has been suspended in the case of this hapless creature.
He was too small to have done much damage prior to his encounter with Goodyear. He was also too young to reproduce. His only fault was the association.
So a Good Samaritan named Denny Lacoste took the fuzzy little fellow off the street, brought him home to Bucktown, and nursed him back to health with his family.
Neuty quickly adjusted to suburban life. He found the water of a well-kept saltwater swimming pool better than the poisonous brew that flowed through the West Esplanade’s drainage canal.
For the past two years, he’s been the de facto family dog—taking car rides, snuggling with his humans, hanging around the family fish store.
When this newspaper and WWL-TV reported on Neuty’s unusual path to domestication, many citizens were delighted.
But all advertising, it turns out, is not good advertising.
The Louisiana Wildlife and Fisheries Department wasn’t as enthusiastic as the citizenry. No-nonsense wildlife agents were dispatched to confiscate Neuty on the grounds that state law prohibits keeping such swamp rats as pets.
Neuty briefly went on the run, temporarily avoiding confiscation, as tearful pictures of his heartbroken owners drew public sympathy.
We may be indifferent to crappy roads, crime and corruption, but try taking someone’s pet nutria – we won’t condone it!
Petitions have been signed. Social media was outraged. Sen. Cameron Henry Jr., R-Metairie, and other officials, sensing an opportunity to give people what they wanted, intervened.
Wildlife and fisheries agents have a tough job. Maintaining healthy animal and fish populations, prosecuting poachers and animal cruelty cases, protecting people are all admirable, necessary, difficult, and sometimes dangerous work.
But at Neuty’s, the agents looked like the bad guys. Wisely, the department backed down.
Myra Lacoste, center, wipes away tears as she and husband Denny leave La. Wildlife Agents are being asked to hand over their pet nutria, Neuty, who they rescued after realizing it was having trouble walking near their home in Bucktown. Since then, Neuty has become a well-known and popular pet. (Photo by Chris Granger | The Times-Picayune | The New Orleans Advocate)
Staff photo by Chris Granger NOLA.com | The Times Picayune
Neuty was clearly an exception, so an exception was made.
With some sensible caveats – like what is essentially a giant rat no longer being allowed to roam free in the family fish shop – Neuty is now officially allowed to spend his days with the Lacostes.
Why are we so smitten with people like Neuty and Valerio?
Maybe we love to draw for an outsider (among nutria? among jaguars?).
Perhaps we love unworldly pursuit of freedom.
Maybe we love celebrating local weirdness in all its forms.
Perhaps because our NFL franchise isn’t named after an animal, we need surrogate animals to cheer them on.
Or maybe we just love a colorful animal story, even one with a tail as hideous as a nutria’s.
With Valerio seemingly contained – for now – and Neuty no longer having a reason to run away, we’re denied the spectacle of the two rogue beasts taking to the streets for a hilarious but heartwarming odd-match action-comedy buddy picture.
Think of Valerio as a handsome, hot-tempered but lovable rascal who, unfortunately, has a tendency to lose his cool and pounce like a Tasmanian devil on any flightless bird or smaller predator that comes within reach of his teeth and claws.
The less traditionally handsome Neuty — no amount of Hollywood makeup magic can hide those orange teeth and gross ears — would be the smarter, far more composed half of the duo. He would put up with his pal’s occasional murderous outbursts with a weary sigh of “Oh, Valerio.”
No friends, there shall be no jaguar/nutria remake of The Fugitive crossed with Thelma & Louise. Instead, Neuty is returned safely to his home.
And we’re all a little happier for it.
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